what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
home. puking in laundry basket.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
