True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
