Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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