If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
