Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
"it" just moved
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
