I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
