No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
