It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
