She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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