I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
