How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize