i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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