hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
