I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
