just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
