You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
