Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
