man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
