Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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