And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
