a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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