You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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