"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
