I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we're making bets on your personal life
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
