Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
