mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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