I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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