I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
