my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
