I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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