i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
