I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
