I faked an abortion last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
