Screwed.edu
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
