I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize