my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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