I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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