ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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