So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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