i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
