dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
