i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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