I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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