i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
