I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize