I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
