There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
