I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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