I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize