This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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