woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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