Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
