let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize