guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
