like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
