I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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