Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
