I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
