i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
