She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
