Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
