I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
