i was born a porn star she said
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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