on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
