Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
