Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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