She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
