Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
