Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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